Without You
by niktar
Summary: One shot song-fic. Haley and Lucas. Set right before Lucas comes back from Charleston. Ok so actually all the one shots I posted exist in same "universe". If read in order it would be "Save Tonight", "It doesn't matter", "Without You" and then "Complicated". But they can also all be read as stand-alone fics.


A little background I thought I should add in, stuff that happened in the finale between Nathan and Haley didn't happen...and when Lucas told Nathan he was leaving he didn't mention taking care of Haley and when he told Haley he was leaving he didn't mention Nathan being the one she could hang out with...Peyton was the one he told her would hang out with her. All the rest of the scenes took place though, with the exception of Dan having a heart attack...right now he's still alive and well. The way Nathan and Haley were left was the same as the episode before the finale when she told him she had given him her heart, it wasn't enough and whatnot. Anyways just wanted to clear that up.

 **Additionally, it was brought to my attention that song lyrics are not allowed so I removed them, but while reading or before please listen to "Without you" by Justincase featuring Michelle Branch :)**

She was working, it seemed she'd been doing that a lot lately. Working. At least most of the time it kept her mind off things and kept her from missing him. Lucas. She still wished that he hadn't had to leave, that he could have just worked through his problems here, found himself again. Here. With her. But he couldn't, at least that's what he told her every night that they talked on the phone, everytime she asked him once more why he really had to leave. She felt her eyes begin to tear up and her heart began to feel like it was being twisted and turned around inside her, so she frantically searched for some other thought to occupy her mind. Her eyes fell on the girl lounging comfortably on the couch in the corner, sketchbook in her lap. She blinked away the tears that just seconds ago had threatened to fall and Peyton turned from just a blurred figure into a clear recognizable friend. She had been sitting on that couch for the past three hours, drawing away and waiting for Haley's shift to end. Haley had thought that it was weird at the beginning, them being friends, but as time had passed it seemed natural, even normal for them to be friends. In the couple weeks since Lucas's departure from Tree Hill she'd even hung out with Brooke on one or two occasions, and had to admit that honestly the girl wasn't all bad. And even though she had Peyton to talk to and Brooke to argue with it didn't help her feeling of loneliness. Because she could be with them both, joking and laughing, and know deep down that neither of them were her best friend. They were best friends. They knew everything about each other, had shared everything with each other, had been through everything with each other. They had helped shape each other and when they were lost they could look to each other to find themselves. She didn't share that type of bond with them, either of them. That was what she shared with her best friend. With Lucas. She could remember just being able to look in his eyes and see herself reflected back. Her heart and soul were in his eyes. Those expressive, soul searching blue-eyes held all the answers she ever needed in their depths. Knowing that, at times, made her miss him even more. The bell over the door jingled, breaking into her thoughts, and she glanced over to see Brooke sauntering in, a smile on her face that screamed VICTORY.

Lucas couldn't believe he was really here, in Charleston, so far away from Haley. He found himself thinking about her all the time. Ever since he left she had been on his mind. He was trying so hard to figure it all out, find where everything for him had started to go so wrong. Everytime he thought about it he kept coming back to the same conclusion. His life hadn't went off track when he joined the team, or when he had liked Peyton or even when he had become involved with Brooke. It had went crashing off course when he had begun having problems with Haley. When he had messed up their friendship with his jealousy and later his own conceit and then his high double standards. He had always expected so much more from her than he had ever expected of anyone, himself included. He had thought she was perfect. And he hadn't been mistaken exactly. It was just that she, like anything of perfection, had to have a few imperfections, to make her beautiful. He just hadn't expected her to end up being so beautiful and it had been his mistake. To be so blind. She could have helped him, kept him from going so far astray but he had pushed her away. He knew what she would think of what he was doing so he avoided her or didn't tell her. Or like that night that she had come to him about Peyton and Brooke he had twisted things around on her, tried to make it about her. He had pushed her away when he needed her the most. Because he knew that she was the only one who could save him, who knew him, the real him. And he didn't want to be saved. Not then. Now. Now was a different story. He wished with everything in him that she could come to him and pick up the pieces, put him back together again. Somehow he knew that now, now that he'd accepted his mistakes and found out where he went wrong that he could be whole again. And he knew that the only place that held the answers of who he was, who he could be, was her eyes.

Haley rolled her eyes and waited with a little curiosity to hear what had Brooke so looking so secretive and satisfied. After a few minutes of prompting from Peyton and a threat or two of being kicked out from Haley, she filled them in. It seemed that she had gotten a visit from Nikki, who had told her in no uncertain terms that she was a lying, manipulative bitch. What Nikki had also shared was that she was leaving and heading back to where she had come from, somewhere in hell, according to Peyton, and that she didn't plan on coming back to waste her time in Tree Hill, since Jake was obviously not here. Brooke had apparently had some part to play in her quick exit, evidenced by the black eye that she had attempted to cover with make-up, to no avail. The girls all had a good laugh as Brooke divulged all the sordid details of the conversation and ensuing fight. Later, after they had calmed down somewhat Peyton called Jake and told him the good news, leaving out only a few little details. After a lot of assurance from Peyton and even a bit from Brooke, he had decided that he would be coming back to town to stay. The smile on Peyton's face was so bright and so real that Haley was taken back. Very rarely had she seen Peyton so expressive and open with her true emotions. As Peyton got off the phone with Jake, Haley could even hear the happiness in her voice. After she hung up the phone Brooke looked to Peyton and then Haley and asked how they would feel about a girls night. Peyton eagerly accepted, but Haley declined. Later after a lot of attempts of coersion and no luck, Brooke and Peyton left Haley, with a promise of a shopping spree the next day. As she finished cleaning up, all the drama, done and through, her mind again drifted back to Luke. She was happy for Peyton, she really was, because she knew about the feelings Peyton had begun to have for Jake, but she wished it could be her. That Lucas could be coming back for her. Like Jake was coming back. Maybe for Peyton. She felt guilty for thinking that way, and wondered for a second if maybe she was going crazy. She just really didn't know how she was going to be able to keep it up. Putting on this act that she was fine. That she wasn't missing him every second that her mind wasn't busy or every second that it was. And once again the tears threatened and again she pushed them back, forcing herself to look over everything once more before locking the door. Then she started her lonely walk to her house, almost able to feel his presence next to her, his steps in tune with hers. Just like it used to be. As she wished with all her heart that it could be.

Her house was empty when she got there. Her parents were still on a business trip and she couldn't stand to stay the night in her own house all alone. So she grabbed a few things and headed towards Karen's, towards Home. Karen was sitting in the kitchen, at the table, drinking a cup of something that Haley hoped wasn't coffee, because she sure looked like she could use some sleep. Haley got herself some juice and some cookies, and sat quietly with Karen for a while, neither of them really speaking. Just comfortable in the other's presence. After Haley had finished her drink and put the cookies away Karen put their glasses in the sink and the moment of peace was gone. Haley's thoughts returned. Karen walked over on her way out of the kitchen and placed a kiss on the crown of Haley's head and whispered Goodnight before disappearing into the darkened house. Haley made her way expertly in the dark to Lucas's room and closed the door before turning on the light. She realized she had forgotten a nightshirt and rummaged in a few of Luke's dresser drawers before coming across an old t-shirt. She put it on and was surprised to find his scent still lingering. She turned out the light and laid down in his bed, trying her hardest to push away her incessant thoughts, praying that sleep would overtake her. But instead her mind was flooded with memories of the night he had told her he was leaving. When he had ripped her heart apart, ripped them apart. She had always felt like her and Lucas were close enough, that sometimes she wondered if they were just two parts of one person. But when he told her he was leaving to find himself she realized that they really were two because he couldn't find himself with her, in her. She didn't have his answers and now it seemed like nothing was the same. Everyday since he had left she would get up and everyday she would expect things to feel the same, as they did when he was with her. But everytime it felt to her like something had changed. She would wake up to the sun shining, but in her soul she was crying. So all she could see was the rain threatening. Everyday to her looked like rain.

He couldn't believe he had been so stupid all along. He couldn't believe he had really not seen what was so clearly right there, in his face. Outside it was raining. It seemed like it was always raining lately and if it wasn't raining he was sure it would soon. He was busy tonight though. No time to sit and watch the rain make streaks down the window as he looked on for lack of something better to do. Tonight he had better things in store. He was gripped all of a sudden with a feeling of pain and he immediately thought of calling Haley to see if she was okay. But he dismissed the thought, he didn't want her to know yet. They had always had a special connection and sometimes as crazy as it sounded he could tell when she was in pain because he could feel that pain for himself. He let his mind wander as he busied himself with getting ready. He had always scoffed at the idea of soulmates, two people joined, destined to be together. He hadn't liked the implications, the absence of choice in the whole situation. He had thought it wasn't fair. But the more he thought about it, the more his opinion changed. It everyone did indeed have a soulmate, this person, would be so perfect for their other half that there would be no question of whether they would end up together. It might take a while, there might be obstacles, life might even step in the way, but they would overcome it to be together because they would feel that this person held the key. The key to who they were, who they could be. This person would be their other half, only made complete when joined. And that would be how it was known, that completion, that sense of peace in another's presence. And he felt that with Haley. She completed him.

She heard the phone ring next to the bed. It was on the floor in her bag and she pulled it out, quickly answering. It was Nathan. Someone she was not in the mood for, not tonight anyway. She had thought it was Lucas, and she could tell by the tone of his voice that he knew. He asked her if they could talk, he had some things that he would like to say. She tried to put him off, make him wait another day, but he was insistent so she finally agreed. He came over and told her that he'd loved her, that he still did, and asked her why it was so easy for her just to walk away from him. She told him that it wasn't, admitted that it'd been one of the hardest things she'd ever done, walking away from him. Told him exactly how much she'd loved him, how much she'd shared with him, how much she'd given him. Then asked him why it hadn't been enough. He thought for a second or two and somehow she knew the answer before he even told her. Because Lucas had always had a part of her that Nathan would never have. And now with it out in the open, Haley knew it was true. She saw the unfairness of it all. To her. To Nathan. She hadn't lied to him when she said she'd given him her heart, but she could never give him her soul. And in the end that was what he wanted. He wanted all of her. And that. That was just something that she couldn't give. She was already taken, already linked to Lucas in a way she would never be to anyone. Even Nathan. They sat for quite a while in silence before Nathan spoke, he told her that he understood, had seen it from the start, and it was his foolish choice to get involved. He told her that he didn't regret it and that he was thankful that she had helped him see and become the person, the man, that he had always wanted to be. He even assured her that he could now be that person all on his own. He thanked her for helping him see what a good person, what a good brother Lucas was. She smiled through her tears, and before he left he held her as she cried. Wrapped in his arms she knew that he was going to be alright, he really had changed and despite everything in the end she hadn't come between the brothers like she'd feared, she'd actually helped bring them together in a twist of irony. Sometime later she pulled away and apologized. But he assured her it was okay. Then he told her before he walked out the door "He'll be back Haley, my idiot brother, he'll realize what he left behind really soon and then he'll be back as quick as he can. He loves you."

She was still sitting there, looking at the door long after Nathan had left. Nothing had turned out the way she thought it would. Who would've ever thought Nathan would understand, who would've ever thought he would be the one to make her realize how she felt about Lucas? She still couldn't believe that she felt this way, and that she'd always felt this way, without really realizing it. She wished that Luke was here so she could talk to him. She cursed the distance, why did he feel the need to go somewhere that was that far away. Thinking logically she would've known that three hours wasn't really that far. But to her at this moment, stuck here in Tree Hill, with this monumental emotional discovery just now clear, it seemed like they were worlds away. She needed to talk to him now. She searched the covers for her phone and when she found it she dialed all the numbers and right away hung up the phone. What was she going to say? She had so many things she wanted to tell him. How was she going to tell him without completely confusing him. Would he even understand what she was trying to say? More questions raced through her mind with every second that passed. Until she thought her brain was going to explode. She had all these thoughts, all these feelings and she needed to share. Her mind was on overload. Dialing the number again, she decided she would just let the words come, and try to make sense of them as they poured from her very heart and soul. But he didn't answer. The phone just kept ringing. And ringing. She called back a few times. But no one answered. And when she hung up for what seemed like the hundreth time her heart fell.

She was laying there all alone, in the middle of his big bed, the early morning sunshine rays dancing on her face and off her hair. He smiled because she had stayed gold.


End file.
